For years now I’ve been very open and public about my hatred of vampires. If I were a delegate to the United Nations I would call for a UN resolution banning vampires from all popular culture and all media for a period of at least ten years. Never in all of human history has a monster been more tired, unoriginal, and just plain done as vampires are right now. There is no such thing as a good vampire story. They’re all stupid, derivative, boring, and clichéd.
Whew. That felt good.